Another day

6 times in 3 years.

These mistakes are my own.

Ever get the feeling you have been... spaced out? for over a month? :(

I don't even know where I'm going with this...

I always expect too much, but to expect nothing at all? Now that's hard...

What am I even writing. I'm just lost.

Confused.

It's so confusing being a christian.

Then again, no one ever said this would be easy.

The last 4 weeks.

I got baptised.

I shared my testimony to the entire church.

I lead a group at yNEEC.

I have been part of 8 worship sessions.

I lead 5 of those 8 worship sessions.

They're all blessings that over the last year I've been screaming out for, yet now... I just don't get it.

Why do I feel so down.

John 3:30 (New International Version)

³⁰He must become greater; I must become less.

One of the main things I've learnt over this last month is to stop 'Bean Counting'.

Stop making a record of how many times I've played or not, how many times I've lead and so on.

It is not about I.

It's all about He.

In everything we should be focussing on God. I know I don't do this and you probably don't either.

That conviction, that guilt. You know what I mean. You have all felt it.

It gets to us all... It HURTS each and every christian at some point.

You know what?

That isn't God.

That is the evil in the world, using your convictions to make you feel bad and horrible and like 'someone else needs help more then me so it's better for me to just suffer alone, it's not that bad...'

NO!

God is here to help and love EVERYONE. No matter how big or small the problem.

God works through every christian for we are all members of the body of Christ.

Don't let your sins hurt you after you have committed them. Lay them down at the cross and that's it.

God does the rest.

God's light shines best through those, who at the worst moment of there life, say...

God is Enough.

And it hits you.

You know those times when you come to realise something profound

When you hear a inspirational quote or a little comment that triggers that memory past.

'Many that live deserve death, some that die deserve life.'

Life... I'm tempted to say life isn't fair, but that's not for me to say.

Who am I to say what should be and what shouldn't. Sometimes it gets so hard for ALL of us. You are not alone in this feeling. I share it with you, as do many others.

John 7:24 (New International Version)

24 "Stop judging by mere appearances, and make a right judgment."

I fear what people think of me all to often. It makes me question who I really am almost daily. These insecurities though... affect even the best of us. Think about the strongest people you know.

Your family

Your youth leader.

Your pastor.

They have all faced and continue to face the problems you do. Even the ones you think you are alone in. Trust me.

I do to.

Its been a week since I got baptised and handed my life over to JC♥

I was instantly blessed with my group at yNEEC and the chance to lead worship.

I opened up so much that I let my guard down. Breaking down the barriers between me and God was IMMENSE ♥

As I came to Him WITH EVERYHING I was free.

Yet when I came back to the 'real world' up went those barriers again and down came the one's against Satan.

You know. I don't know the answer to my problems, but... someone at neec said there was now 365 days that Satan can come in.

I disagree.

There's now 365 days we can let God in again.

With Everything.

And then it hits you.

♥

Standing Up

I was asked

what do you stand for? 300 word essay ;)

this is what i said

i stand for the whole world. not countries. not races. not gender. not age. not religion. but everything. for we were all made the same. no one person with false ideas such as power or money has any right to consider themselves better then anyone else. there is no one on earth that has the right to judge someone else regardless of what they have done. for no one is perfect. everyone sins and there is not a ranking order of sins. so everyone is equal in the eyes of God. eyes which i choose to follow. To know that every human being is being treated with the same love and care that they deserve. That is what i stand for. That is why i try my hardest to make the world a better place. If i don’t then who will? The world is in a terrible shape yes. And everyone looks out for number one. But you are all my number ones. Being me may not make a difference to the world but it may mean a world of difference to one person. And if it does, then i have succeeded, even if only slightly, to follow in jesus’ foot steps. Not being religious, just being loving. Being a Christian means havin a relationship with God. Not church. Not singing. Not praying. Just a relationship. That is what i stand for. I know i am not perfect and have probably hurt alot of people along the way already, for that i apologise. But the truth is i am trying as hard as i can all the time. You may not see it, but i want to make YOUR life better no matter who you are or where you are from. Thats what i stand for. 300 words is lots...

so now You know.

tomyom <3

If.

Isn't it strange how one little event can snowball to a disaster.
How one little reminder can destroy a lifetime of work...

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;

If by Rudyard Kipling. I've heard it before, just never realised how apparent God can be in everything.

Imagine your all. Your everything. That one true thing you hold dear. Put it all together and risk it on a 50/50. Seems ridiculously pointless right? Yet sometimes the reward can be worth the risk.

I put my love on the line. For my own gain. For my own feelings. For me.


And I lost.

'And never breath a word about your loss;'... I couldn't do this. I tried so hard but realised...

By my own strength I am WEAK.

It's all by His strength

If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;

If any of you actually read this... I just want you to know it's ok.

It is not a perfect world.

And losing something or someone... It kills me. Probably has to you to.

Pride is hard to swallow.

Admitting defeat?...No... Not defeat... Admitting it affects you. It is so hard for any guy to truly do.

At the end of this poem it says:

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

I still have growing up to do.

I have no idea if Rudyard Kipling was a christian or not.

You know what? That doesn't matter at all. God works in many ways through every person on Earth.

Being Christian isn't about going to church;
reading the Bible;
praying;
singing Jesus songs.

It's about one thing and one thing alone.

Having a relationship with God... A friendship... A bond between you.

That's it.

Nothing more, and nothing less.

If only I could understand what was happening.
If only you could truly get me.
If only... If only... I believed...

... you'll be a Man my son!

Yeah... Maybe one day...

Keep going... for Me yeah?
I know how hard it is but
I know you can.

It may be Cold and Broken, but it is still a Hallelujah

As broken you may be, He never lets you go. Ever. Period.

How do I know? Well look over your shoulder right now.

The world lets you down.

The world brings you down.

For the world is not owned by man,

It is owned by God

Given to man

But taken from man by Satan.

The world is owned by God but run by Satan.

It's something I find... stupid and hard to grasp.

It is true.

Just look over your shoulder.

He never lets you go.

and even if you slip away or never knew Him.

He welcomes you with arms open wide everyday.

Just take a look over that shoulder of yours

Hallelujah

New year.

New decade.

New start.

I've made alot of mistakes this past 2 years. I know I'm not a perfect person by any means and I've realised alot of wrong within me. I've felt so fake.

Sometime I wish I had a restart button you know...

I break so easily, but to this world we have to break so we can truly enter God's kingdom.

I've decided to write this blog to ... grow.

I need to grow.

We all do.

Forever.

Knowing I will never reach perfection makes trying seem pointless right?

NO.

God loves you for who you are.

He gave his ONLY son so that would could be who you are.

Only you can be who you are.

You should praise God for who you are.

Not for what I have achieved. For what He has done for me.

He asks you to try and be more christlike EVERYDAY.

You'll never be Christ, and He knows this.

But try. It's all He wants. For you to love Him.

I'm going to slowly write what I believe and what I realise to help me grow throughout this life.

If you end up following or reading this, help me and I will help you.

I want the world to know....

I love every single last person with my entire heart and will do everything I can to help anyone who needs it.

For this is what Christ has done.

For this is what God has done.

And this is what I hope to TRY for.

tomyom ... Soldiering on... ♥jc