Confused.

It's so confusing being a christian.

Then again, no one ever said this would be easy.

The last 4 weeks.

I got baptised.

I shared my testimony to the entire church.

I lead a group at yNEEC.

I have been part of 8 worship sessions.

I lead 5 of those 8 worship sessions.

They're all blessings that over the last year I've been screaming out for, yet now... I just don't get it.

Why do I feel so down.

John 3:30 (New International Version)

³⁰He must become greater; I must become less.

One of the main things I've learnt over this last month is to stop 'Bean Counting'.

Stop making a record of how many times I've played or not, how many times I've lead and so on.

It is not about I.

It's all about He.

In everything we should be focussing on God. I know I don't do this and you probably don't either.

That conviction, that guilt. You know what I mean. You have all felt it.

It gets to us all... It HURTS each and every christian at some point.

You know what?

That isn't God.

That is the evil in the world, using your convictions to make you feel bad and horrible and like 'someone else needs help more then me so it's better for me to just suffer alone, it's not that bad...'

NO!

God is here to help and love EVERYONE. No matter how big or small the problem.

God works through every christian for we are all members of the body of Christ.

Don't let your sins hurt you after you have committed them. Lay them down at the cross and that's it.

God does the rest.

God's light shines best through those, who at the worst moment of there life, say...

God is Enough.

And it hits you.

You know those times when you come to realise something profound

When you hear a inspirational quote or a little comment that triggers that memory past.

'Many that live deserve death, some that die deserve life.'

Life... I'm tempted to say life isn't fair, but that's not for me to say.

Who am I to say what should be and what shouldn't. Sometimes it gets so hard for ALL of us. You are not alone in this feeling. I share it with you, as do many others.

John 7:24 (New International Version)

24 "Stop judging by mere appearances, and make a right judgment."

I fear what people think of me all to often. It makes me question who I really am almost daily. These insecurities though... affect even the best of us. Think about the strongest people you know.

Your family

Your youth leader.

Your pastor.

They have all faced and continue to face the problems you do. Even the ones you think you are alone in. Trust me.

I do to.

Its been a week since I got baptised and handed my life over to JC♥

I was instantly blessed with my group at yNEEC and the chance to lead worship.

I opened up so much that I let my guard down. Breaking down the barriers between me and God was IMMENSE ♥

As I came to Him WITH EVERYHING I was free.

Yet when I came back to the 'real world' up went those barriers again and down came the one's against Satan.

You know. I don't know the answer to my problems, but... someone at neec said there was now 365 days that Satan can come in.

I disagree.

There's now 365 days we can let God in again.

With Everything.

And then it hits you.

♥